Spiritual Growth through Agency and Grace

 

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[Oftentimes we are like the young merchant from Boston, who in 1849, as the story goes, was caught up in the fervor of the California gold rush. He sold all of his possessions to seek his fortune in the California rivers, which he was told were filled with gold nuggets so big that one could hardly carry them.

Day after endless day, the young man dipped his pan into the river and came up empty. His only reward was a growing pile of rocks. Discouraged and broke, he was ready to quit until one day an old, experienced prospector said to him, “That’s quite a pile of rocks you are getting there, my boy.”

The young man replied, “There’s no gold here. I’m going back home.”

Walking over to the pile of rocks, the old prospector said, “Oh, there is gold all right. You just have to know where to find it.” He picked two rocks up in his hands and crashed them together. One of the rocks split open, revealing several flecks of gold sparkling in the sunlight.

Noticing a bulging leather pouch fastened to the prospector’s waist, the young man said, “I’m looking for nuggets like the ones in your pouch, not just tiny flecks.”

The old prospector extended his pouch toward the young man, who looked inside, expecting to see several large nuggets. He was stunned to see that the pouch was filled with thousands of flecks of gold.

The old prospector said, “Son, it seems to me you are so busy looking for large nuggets that you’re missing filling your pouch with these precious flecks of gold. The patient accumulation of these little flecks has brought me great wealth.”]

This story was retold in a talk by Elder M. Russell Ballard titled ‘Finding Joy through Loving Service’. Reading this story reminds me of encounters I have had with my daughter and, in turn, conversations I’ve had in prayer before my Heavenly Father. On a daily basis, my 7-year old daughter will fall into a fit of rage or sorrow, whining and complaining that things are not fair. She regularly comments that her parents are mean and uncaring when she is told ‘no’.

Often, I explain that her feelings will pass, and it is good to patiently wait for the things she wants to have or do. I wonder to myself why it is so hard for her and then ironically catch myself complaining in my daily prayers to my Father in Heaven about all that is not going my way. I would like to think that I am like the wise prospector and my daughter is like the young merchant in the story, yet it turns out both of us are young, naïve, and forgetful in our spiritual progress; unintentionally passing up flecks of understanding and growth that we are provided on a daily basis.

As I recognize that I am not perfect and have a long way to go it can be frustrating, but it doesn’t need to be discouraging. It just shows that I desire to become all that I can be. And this desire to reach my potential is not mine alone. As sons and daughters of Heavenly Father, regardless of our relationship with and knowledge of Him, we fear stagnancy in our lives and don’t want to feel stuck or bored or dissatisfied. Andy Grammer reminds me of this common desire with the lyrics of his song “Grow”:

I work hard ([that's] right), I get bored (sometimes)

Do it big (all night), still want more

We ain't made to have it made

So what I'm trying to say, what I'm trying to say

you gotta grow

From the Lord’s perspective, the speed at which we progress is not nearly as important as is the consistency. Diligence in doing our part to progress and grow spiritually is key. So, the question posed by composer Michael McLean in the title of his song, ‘Which part is mine’, can be very insightful.  

Which part is mine? And God, which part is yours?

Could you tell me one more time, cause I'm never quite sure.

And I won't cross the line like I have before.

But it gets so confusing sometimes.

Should I do more or trust the divine.

Could you please tell me which part is mine and which part is yours?

The balance between our part and the Lord’s part is difficult to find. Multiple scriptures teach that we are saved by the grace of God, but one scripture in particular helps me see where the balance comes from.

2 Nephi 25:23: For we labor diligently to write, to persuade our children, and also our brethren, to believe in Christ, and to be reconciled to God; for we know that it is by grace that we are saved, after all we can do.

Heavenly Father has given us a gift called agency which allows us to choose and to act for ourselves. Whether we are on the Lord’s path or not is our choice. Our part is to take the time to accept the small flecks of truth and light God sends our way every day which point us in the right direction. Often, we falter. We fail to pick up and use those flecks and lose our way. Yet, because of Christ’s atoning sacrifice, He can offer us grace, essentially using His power to make up where we lack or have fallen short. We can return to the straight and narrow path and change for the better. So, in a nutshell, our part is using agency and the Lord’s part is providing grace.

Over the past few months, I have been in a constant state of transition. Figuring out how to function during quarantine, moving to a new house, starting a new job; it has been a whirlwind of change and uncertainty. Every day I look back on my to-do list at home and at work and realize the list is merely growing and I didn’t get to everything I had hoped I would. The idea that I need to do my best is forefront in my mind but trying to focus on doing my best has often been a negative process for me. When I look back on what I’ve done in a given day, I readily see what more could be done. 

In a recent interview between himself and a panel of young men and young women, President Russel M. Nelson helped me change my perspective. Part of President Nelson’s response to one question reads as follows: “Everything to do with becoming more like the Savior is difficult. For example, when God wanted to give the Ten Commandments to Moses, where did He tell Moses to go? Up on top of a mountain, on the top of Mount Sinai. So Moses had to walk all the way up to the top of that mountain to get the Ten Commandments. Now, Heavenly Father could have said, ‘Moses, you start there, and I’ll start here, and I’ll meet you halfway.’ No, the Lord loves effort, because effort brings rewards that can’t come without it.”

The Lord doesn’t usually ask me to walk up a mountain. Instead, He asks me to do things specific to my life like being more patient with my children or doing my homework when I’m tired and it is due that evening. It is my efforts surrounding golden flecks of opportunities the Lord provides that show my Savior I’m committed to establishing a wealth of spiritual progress over time.

As I have been reaching out to the Lord for help and trying to understand what my best is, I am learning that my best is not a comparison of where other people are currently or where I’ve been in the past. In reality, my best is an attitude of not limiting my potential – not selling myself short by giving up when things don’t go my way or feel impossible. This mindset puts more power into one of my favorite quotes from an anonymous author: “When your adversaries tell you that you can’t go any further, just tell them to look behind and see how far you’ve come.”

This life is about progress, which only comes when we put in daily effort and allow the Lord to sanctify those efforts through His grace and loving support. Another strain of ‘Which Part is Mine’ takes this message home:

Did you hear me?

I can feel you near me...

This is the answer that I've been longing for

Just to know you hear me

And to feel you near me...

After I've done my best

I know you'll do the rest

Peace of mind and heart comes from a balance of agency and grace. If we trust the Lord will do His part without doing anything on our end, we’ll be disappointed. If we put in every effort we possibly can and don’t allow the Lord to bolster our abilities, we are unable to reach our full potential. Sometimes when discouragement sets in, all we truly need is to feel the Lord near us and be reminded that our efforts and His grace are sufficient.