The Definition of Love

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Elder D. Todd Christofferson gave a talk titled “Abide in My Love” in which he gives the account of Helen Keller who was blind, deaf, and dumb at an early age. Growing up in this way was dark and lonely for the little girl. Her mentor, Anne Sullivan, did everything she could to ease the burden of her parents who struggled to raise a child with such a disadvantage of learning about the world around her. To help Helen learn words, Anne would spell the names of familiar objects with her finger on the palm of Helen’s hand. Helen enjoyed this ‘finger play,’ but she didn’t understand until the famous moment when Anne spelled ‘w-a-t-e-r’ while pumping water over Helen’s hand. Here is the account Helen gave of this awakening moment: 

“Suddenly I felt a misty consciousness as of something forgotten … and somehow the mystery of language was revealed to me. I knew then that “w-a-t-e-r” meant the wonderful cool something that was flowing over my hand. That living word awakened my soul, gave it light, hope, joy, set it free! … Everything had a name, and each name gave birth to a new thought. As we returned to the house[,] every object … I touched seemed to quiver with life.”

After telling this story, Elder Christofferson gave testimony of love with these words: “Each of us can experience the ecstasy of divine potential unfolding within us, much like the joy Helen Keller felt when words came to life, giving light to her soul and setting it free. Each of us can love and serve God and be empowered to bless our fellowmen. As it is written, Eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, neither have entered into the heart of man, the things which God hath prepared for them that love him.”

Love is a challenging word to understand. It is extensively defined, which is part of the problem – Merriam Webster has 9 separate definitions for the word ‘love’ and on top of that mentions the idea of love as both transitive and intransitive verbs. Examples include: strong affection, attachment, concern, copulation, a score of zero, to cherish, to take pleasure in, to thrive in, experience desire – because so many ideas surround one word, it can be difficult to know what exactly someone means when they use it, whether objectively or simply thrown around loosely. 

Christ taught that Love of God is the first and great commandment, but with so many uses for the word, it can be hard to know what exactly Christ is telling us to do as we strive to love God. Elder David A. Bednar recognized the potential for confusion and instead of opening up to all the possibilities for the word love outlined by Merriam Webster, he broke down the idea of love into two parts. In a face to face event for youth in 2015, Elder Bednar made this statement: “The word ‘love is both a verb and a noun… Sometimes, we think we have to have the feeling—the noun—before we start doing love—the verb… We find people all around the world who think [they] have to find the one… More correctly, you have to become the one… through what you do.”

This act of becoming through what we do gives way to the message of President Thomas S. Monson when he wrote: “Love is the very essence of the gospel, the noblest attribute of the human soul. Love is the remedy for ailing families, ill communities, and sick nations. Love is a smile, a wave, a kind comment, and a compliment. Love is sacrifice, service, and selflessness.” 

So, while love can mean many things at many times, the love that Christ is asking us to focus on is putting others before ourselves and using that affection, desire, attraction, etc. to become better people. My brother, while teaching the gospel as a full-time missionary in Germany wrote this statement: “love is the key to God's work. It is the driving force behind all of His decisions and the power that motivates us to be obedient to His commandments. Christ's sacrifice, authority, and power are ultimate and eternal expressions of love. There are many means of obtaining and understanding knowledge, but knowledge of spiritual truth can only be obtained and understood through spiritual means according to divinely appointed laws and commandments. One can't know love until he has felt it, and he hasn't truly felt it until he's shared it.”

We can find clearer direction in living the gospel with love as the great motivator. This motivation can help us start the process of becoming people who love with a commitment to the Lord and our neighbors. This lifelong process is one of turning away from selfishness and becoming more selfless, as Christ is. Feelings like anger, pride, guilt, sorrow, jealousy are often temporary, fleeting, and in-the-moment, but selflessness is a state of being; both a choice and a habit.  

The commitment to becoming a better, more focused individual through love is often tested, but there is hope. When my wife and I were first married, our bishop was a marriage counselor.  He often commented on how couples who professed hatred for one another showed positive improvements more often than those who had simply become apathetic.  Strong emotions of dislike were healthier for the relationship than was the lack of emotion altogether.  The couples that felt anger and resentment towards each other were the ones still committed to the marriage. In one sense, it is much easier to become upset because, with a sibling, friend, spouse, or child whom we are close to and genuinely love we do care, we are committed, we want to show kindness and affection. We just may not know how or forget our commitment in the moment.

This is where Christ’s example as the best definition for love comes in. Christ, himself, showed us how to love and care for others. The scriptures specifically state that charity is the pure love of Christ. Christ’s feelings, actions, lifelong process of preparation, and commitment to Heavenly Father’s children were all beautifully manifested in full when He sacrificed on our behalf and subsequently laid down His life for the world. 

Further on in Elder Christofferson’s talk, is this sentiment: “There are many ways to describe and speak of divine love. One of the terms we hear often today is that God’s love is “unconditional.” While in one sense that is true, said Elder Christofferson, “the descriptor unconditional appears nowhere in scripture. Rather, His love is described in scripture as “great and wonderful love,” “perfect love,” “redeeming love,” and “everlasting love.” These are better terms because the word unconditional can convey mistaken impressions about divine love... God’s love is infinite and it will endure forever, but what it means for each of us depends on how we respond to His love.”

In referring again to the movie about Helen Keller’s life Elder Christofferson continued with this thought: [Helen’s] parents are portrayed as satisfied with Anne Sullivan’s work once she has domesticated their wild daughter to the extent that Helen will sit politely at dinner, eat normally, and fold her napkin at the end of the meal. But Anne knew Helen was capable of much, much more and that she had significant contributions to make. Even so, we may be quite content with what we have done in our lives and that we simply are what we are, while our Savior comprehends a glorious potential that we perceive only “through a glass, darkly.” 

We can get very technical and talk about what love is or is not, but what really matters is that love becomes, in our lives, the motivating factor behind everything we do.  As we act in accordance with the verb love, we will feel the noun love – that is the promise.  The journey to becoming loving individuals is personal and lifelong, but I hope as each of us strive to follow our respective paths the Lord has set for us, we can find continued commitment and motivation through deep and meaningful love of God and fellow man.  I testify that as we commit to loving others and then condition ourselves to sacrifice and act selflessly, we will indeed become more charitable, Christlike individuals over time.