Christ's Example of Friendship: Part 2

[Competitor]: Was that a trick?

[Sir Lancelot]: No, no trick. It’s the way I fight.

[Competitor]: Could I do it?

                        Tell me, I can learn.

[Sir Lancelot]: You have to study your opponent, how he moves so you know what he’s gonna do before he does it.

[Competitor]: I can do that.

[Sir Lancelot]: You have to know that one moment of every fight when you win or you lose, and you have to know how to wait for it.

[Competitor]: I can do that.

[Sir Lancelot]: And you have to not care whether you live or die.

The above dialogue comes from the movie “First Knight” in a scene where Sir Lancelot is asked by a competitor who just lost a sword fight how he managed to best the town’s strong man. I have never been in a situation in which I decided I didn’t care whether or not I lived or died, but I do feel that I can relate to what Sir Lancelot is trying to teach his competitor.  

I remember the first time I did a head-first dive into the local swimming pool as a young man. My fellow scouts and I were working on our swimming merit badge and after spending several minutes working on various swimming stroke fundamentals, we were given some free time to play in the water. One of our leaders did a beautiful dive into the pool from the high dive and I was so impressed, I asked him to teach me just like the competitor had asked Sir Lancelot to give him sword fighting lessons.

My leader instructed me that the simplest way to do a safe dive as a beginner was to put my hands together high above my head and stand stiff as a board at the edge of the high dive and to not jump or move but simply fall forward and trust that gravity would do the rest.

I remember climbing up the seemingly endless ladder, shivering from both the cold of the water running down my back and the fear coursing through me. As I brought myself to the end of the high dive, it was easy to stand erect and position myself as if I was a stiff board. The difficult part was allowing myself to fall forward.

It is in this moment, that I have a sense of what Sir Lancelot meant by not caring whether I lived or died. I was pretty sure, the water below me would not kill me, but I was still pretty afraid that I would get injured. The only reason I was able to commit to the dive was because I wiped away all thoughts and fears and decided that the only outcome in which I wouldn’t be disappointed in myself is if I followed through with the dive.

I had to give up my fear and put my trust in gravity as well as my scout leader. As soon as I did this I was able to breathe out and fall forward and just wait. There’s not much more rewarding than experiencing success when trust is put on the line to accomplish what it is we set out to do.

Last month, I talked about the fear of awkward silences in relation to being lonely and obtaining quality friends. I referenced the first few stanzas of Armin Van Buuren’s song ‘Alone’. This month I am focusing on another stanza further along in the lyrics of the same song.

Everybody needs to know

Somebody who cares.

Just a friendly face

You can trust to be there.

When I feel alone I often ask myself, what will it take to find someone who cares, a friendly face, whom I can trust to be there?

The best example of all three of those characteristics of a good friend is found in Jesus Christ. Not only is He the best example of being everyone’s friend but He also gave an example of how to choose friends.

Christ didn’t sit around and wait for others to come to Him. He went around and served others and he put in a lot of effort to search for whom he would call as His apostles – those who were closest to him and in whom He put His trust.

Men are not perfect, but even Christ trusted men to help Him carry out His work. I need to follow Christ's example and let people in. I need to take that leap of faith even if that means allowing myself to metaphorically fall into vulnerable circumstances.

Vulnerability is not what I should be afraid of. What I should be afraid of is being vulnerable without the Lord’s help. Proverbs 3: 5-6 teaches: Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.

I want the direction the Lord gives. If I don’t have that then I have to trust in myself. When I trust in myself I make mistakes that inevitably cause injury like jumping off the high dive instead of putting myself in the protection of gravity which is as consistent as the Lord.

Perhaps finding someone who cares and a friendly face when I need one starts not with a quest to end loneliness but by trusting first in the Lord and second in the people He directs me to befriend.